| Happiness Venn Diagram |
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| (And a little something extra) |
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Better late than never!
This week has so far been a little crazy! Not in the "I'm so busy at work I don't have time to eat lunch" kinda crazy, but the kind where everything you planned to do gets usurped by other peoples priorities and all of a sudden it's Thursday and you haven't posted on the blog all week!
After a rather spontaneous dinner out on Friday night, a very busy Saturday driving to Wagga Wagga for Jackie's wedding, and a rather mournful Sunday driving back, being sick and farewelling my darling Husband...the week started with a full day meeting at work (blurgh!) and a very empty house of Fillet! Futsal was fun with an 8-1 loss, but overall an enjoyable match (no significant injuries gained) and many a ring-in playing.
Tuesday another suprise all day meeting and a recharge of the girly batteries with a visit from Lady (and a very late night!), an absent dance partner on Wednesday night, and another bludgy day today rounds out my week. It's amazing how time flies!
Anyway I couldn't let it all fly past too quickly without giving you all a peek at how gorgeous Jackie was on her big day! It was about 40 degrees down in the country and as dry as tinder, but that didn't stop the boys all wearing full suits...
The wedding was lovely outside under the archway, Jackie sobbed through her vows and laughed and shone the rest of the evening (except the bridal waltz but more on that later) She was stunning!
And it was all so wonderful to see them finally hitched...
All her friends and family were fabulous...really lovely people!
When it came time for the bridal waltz, Jackie (like a good bride) was totally overcome with it all, while Ben smiled and laughed all the way through it.
Each time they walked past, they would comment on how surreal the whole thing was....I know, but how absolutely happy too! Yay for weddings!!
After a rather spontaneous dinner out on Friday night, a very busy Saturday driving to Wagga Wagga for Jackie's wedding, and a rather mournful Sunday driving back, being sick and farewelling my darling Husband...the week started with a full day meeting at work (blurgh!) and a very empty house of Fillet! Futsal was fun with an 8-1 loss, but overall an enjoyable match (no significant injuries gained) and many a ring-in playing.
Tuesday another suprise all day meeting and a recharge of the girly batteries with a visit from Lady (and a very late night!), an absent dance partner on Wednesday night, and another bludgy day today rounds out my week. It's amazing how time flies!
Anyway I couldn't let it all fly past too quickly without giving you all a peek at how gorgeous Jackie was on her big day! It was about 40 degrees down in the country and as dry as tinder, but that didn't stop the boys all wearing full suits...
The wedding was lovely outside under the archway, Jackie sobbed through her vows and laughed and shone the rest of the evening (except the bridal waltz but more on that later) She was stunning!
And it was all so wonderful to see them finally hitched...
All her friends and family were fabulous...really lovely people!
When it came time for the bridal waltz, Jackie (like a good bride) was totally overcome with it all, while Ben smiled and laughed all the way through it.
Each time they walked past, they would comment on how surreal the whole thing was....I know, but how absolutely happy too! Yay for weddings!!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Unusual Ebay Feedback.
- POSITIVE: Item shipped quickly, have been having erotic dreams about seller. Thanks
- POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside?
- NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should've poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded.
- NEGATIVE: Despite indication in listing, I could not fit item into any of my body cavities.
- NEGATIVE: Honda R-Type sticker did not add horsepower as advertised.
- NEUTRAL: Item shipped promptly and in good condition, but I should not have to bid on birthday presents from my parents.
- POSITIVE: I don't really remember what I ordered. But I've been sitting in the box it came in all day, and it's great!
- NEGATIVE: Product didn't work, possibly broken. I woke up this morning and was disappointed to find I still believe in Jesus Christ our Savior. :(
- POSITIVE: Excellent Buyer. A++++++. Thrilled by the quartz movement of the "Rolex". HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
- NEGATIVE: Should have been clearer that seller only accepts payment in Bhats via Eastern Union Moneygram.
- POSITIVE: Plain brown packaging seemed to fool my wife. Thanks!
- NEGATIVE: The dog won't hunt.
- NEGATIVE: Very nice monkey mascot costume, but it's a size 34, not a 63 as advertised.
- NEGATIVE: Lederhosen not as pink as the picture led me to believe.
- POSITIVE: A+++++. Items are exactly as described. Best case of kalashnikovs I've ever bought. Allah Akbar!
- NEGATIVE: This is clearly the ninth, NOT THE SIXTH, repackaging of Mad Super Special #24.
- POSITIVE: One of the scents mixed in with the packing peanuts remind me of a passionate weekend in Rio... was that you?
- POSITIVE: The way you wrote my zip-code makes me weak in the knees. Such smooth strokes. A+!
- NEGATIVE: Though you did nothing wrong, I am giving you this negative feedback to teach you that the universe is arbitrary and unfair.
- NEGATIVE: Buying this Space 1999 Lunchbox did not fill the void in my empty life for as long as I'd hoped.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
Verbatim, Lindsay Lowan, as published in People magazine
I would like to send my condolences out to Catherine Altman, Robert Altman's wife, as well as all of his immediate family, close friends, co-workers, and all of his inner circle.
I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches. If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman's wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could.
Robert Altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors.
I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career.
I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years.
The point is, he made a difference. He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do.
So every day when you wake up. Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments. The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious.
Please just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful.
Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have. When we shouldn't.....
Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) – Everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on. – Altman
Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.
If I can do anything for those who are in a very hard time right now, as I'm one of them with hearing this news, please take advantage of the fact that I'm just a phone call away. God Bless, peace and love always.
Thank You,
"BE ADEQUITE"
Lindsay Lohan
I didn't realise Lindsay is so deep. I always had my doubts that she is coherent.
I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches. If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman's wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could.
Robert Altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors.
I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career.
I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years.
The point is, he made a difference. He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do.
So every day when you wake up. Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments. The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious.
Please just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful.
Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have. When we shouldn't.....
Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) – Everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on. – Altman
Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.
If I can do anything for those who are in a very hard time right now, as I'm one of them with hearing this news, please take advantage of the fact that I'm just a phone call away. God Bless, peace and love always.
Thank You,
"BE ADEQUITE"
Lindsay Lohan
I didn't realise Lindsay is so deep. I always had my doubts that she is coherent.
Late Joke
This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As I scanned the line, I noticed a friend waiting with all the others. I knew my friend had no daughters or young relatives, so I figured he must like the dolls himself.
"Bill," I said going up to him, "I didn't know you were a collector!"
"I'm not," he replied.
"Oh," I said, "You're buying a gift, then."
"No, not at all," my friend responded.
"If you don't mind my asking then Bill," I said, "Why are you standing in this line?"
"Oh that," he answered. "It's like this," my friend stated, . . . "I've never been able to resist a barbie queue!"
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Next SRF Event
What: Calendar photo shoot
Why: We need to get cracking
When: Saturday 16 December (10am)
Where: TBA
Why: We need to get cracking
When: Saturday 16 December (10am)
Where: TBA
Free Viagra Spices up small town life
BRASILIA, Brazil (Reuters) - The mayor of a small Brazilian town has begun handing out free Viagra, spicing up the sex lives of dozens of elderly men and their partners.
"Since we started the free distribution of sexual stimulants, our elderly population changed. They're much happier," said Joao de Souza Luz, the mayor of Novo Santo Antonio, a small town in the central state of Mato Grosso.
Souza Luz said 68 men over the age of 60 had already signed up for the program, which was approved by the town's legislature and has been dubbed "Happy Penis," or "Pinto Alegre" in Portuguese.
But the program has also had the unforeseen consequence of encouraging some extra-marital affairs, Souza Luz said.
"Some of the old men aren't seeking out their wives. They've got romances on the side," he said.
To discourage such illicit canoodling, Souza Luz said the city had decided to begin distributing the Viagra pills to the wives of the men who signed up for the program.
"That way, when the women are in the mood, they can give the pills to their husbands," he said.
"Since we started the free distribution of sexual stimulants, our elderly population changed. They're much happier," said Joao de Souza Luz, the mayor of Novo Santo Antonio, a small town in the central state of Mato Grosso.
Souza Luz said 68 men over the age of 60 had already signed up for the program, which was approved by the town's legislature and has been dubbed "Happy Penis," or "Pinto Alegre" in Portuguese.
But the program has also had the unforeseen consequence of encouraging some extra-marital affairs, Souza Luz said.
"Some of the old men aren't seeking out their wives. They've got romances on the side," he said.
To discourage such illicit canoodling, Souza Luz said the city had decided to begin distributing the Viagra pills to the wives of the men who signed up for the program.
"That way, when the women are in the mood, they can give the pills to their husbands," he said.
Update!
On waking this morning I found that my finger is still bloody sore, so my boss got his phonecall and has been packed off to Burwood to train half a dozen doctors/staff and nurses in a CPR update!
Flit drove me up to the medical centre where the most appallingly rude doctor called me into his office. I told him about my injury and he asked if I could move it, I showed him the very slight movement and said if I force it anymore the pain is too much....so what does he do? immediately grabs my finger and tries to straighten it fully!!! Naturally I flinched and asked him not to do that, to which he replied that how was he to know what was wrong with out touching it! Then he gave me a lecture on basic medical examination....I told him to stop being so mean and then sat in stony silence till he wrote me an x-ray referral and medical certificate.
Flit and I both went and had our x-rays (he wanted to check out his ankle injury) and then spent the next 20 minutes trying to avoid my rude dr and nab ourselves a kinder one.
The end result is that there are no broken bones in the House of Fillet! Yay!
I have it all strapped up and tomorrow off work! Might even wrangle Thursday off too if it doesn't get alot better. So until the pain goes away and the mobility comes back, I can't drive, do my hair properly or open the back door!
Flit drove me up to the medical centre where the most appallingly rude doctor called me into his office. I told him about my injury and he asked if I could move it, I showed him the very slight movement and said if I force it anymore the pain is too much....so what does he do? immediately grabs my finger and tries to straighten it fully!!! Naturally I flinched and asked him not to do that, to which he replied that how was he to know what was wrong with out touching it! Then he gave me a lecture on basic medical examination....I told him to stop being so mean and then sat in stony silence till he wrote me an x-ray referral and medical certificate.
Flit and I both went and had our x-rays (he wanted to check out his ankle injury) and then spent the next 20 minutes trying to avoid my rude dr and nab ourselves a kinder one.
The end result is that there are no broken bones in the House of Fillet! Yay!
I have it all strapped up and tomorrow off work! Might even wrangle Thursday off too if it doesn't get alot better. So until the pain goes away and the mobility comes back, I can't drive, do my hair properly or open the back door!
Monday, November 20, 2006
MW - better late than never!
I know it's quite late to be posting a wash up, and it'll be even later by the time I finish it as I am typing one handed due to the vicious attack on my poor hand during futsal today...but more of that later.
How were your weekends? Fabulous I hope! Ours started (as most of yours did, with the poker night) with a night out for Flit and a night in front of the tv for me...with a cheesecake and a bottle of wine! so I guess you could say it was fabulous all round! I was rudely woken at 4am with rather loud music....I got up and found a rather pissed husband listening (innocently) to something emmanating from the computer....after he was told how loud it was we were able to go back to sleep....something that was rudely interrupted again by said husband's SNORING! eventually I got back to sleep until the alarm worked it's magic at 7am!!!! Inhuman I know, but I got up and packed our clothes, toiletries and many pain killers and got ready for our drive out to Tumut! Over the next hour I nursed Flitcroft out of his coma and got him upright ( his first words to me were..."they made me drink girly drinks" and then "mooooaaaaaaaannnnn")...bundled him into the car with pills, pillows and earplugs and off we all set for good old Tumut to retrieve Sarah's car and spend a relaxing night on the farm (and throw a few wedding jobs into the mix!) after finding a good place for wedding hair, a good place for Brides (and acompanying party) to sleep and a possibilty for flowers, we had a lovely lunch, checked out some cars, visited Grandma and arrived safe and sound at the farm. Sarah and I headed out for a walk and were accosted by an orphaned sheep! When I say "WE were accosted..." I really just me "I"! That damn sheep thought I was it's best friend, and to the delight of Sarah, proceeded to gallop/prance/buck/nibble/follow/rub/step on me for the next 40 minutes!!! As we headed back to the farm, the sheep gave me numerous foot injuries by stepping on my thongs in it's haste to be next to me! Sarah was able to run back, but the more I ran the more this damn sheep pranced/bucked/charged/trod on me! eventually I realised that if I swung the stick I was holding behind me then each time he charged he got smacked...that taught him to keep back! I was able to find a fence I could climb (which he obviously couldn't)and started to enjoy my stroill back to the house......that was...until.....he bloody realised he could get around another way and off he lept to try and cut me off...much to the amusement of Flit, Sarah and Peta who had by now gathered in the front garden to watch this love story unfold! As you can imagine, the sheep's glee at finding another way round, filled me with dread and so I bolted to the gate and almost vaulted over it to safety! The next hour, as I sat reading the paper on the front verandah, was accompanied by the mournful bleating of a sheep deprived of his one true love! ( he hadn't found a way to me, just a way to the nearest fence) UNBELIEVABLE! I mean, I could understand if I had led him on, but this was just ridiculous! Anyway, later that day I thought I'd be rid of my fan when Flit decided to go for a walk himself. The sheep started following him, but after 100m or so he was torn and decided to turn around to continue his vigil by my side...I was officially being stalked by a SHEEP!.
My not-so-secret admirer!
Anyway, onto my injury...we played Futsal tonight...great fun as usual! and might I say, the team I saw out there tonight really played their little socks off! We played a team we had previously met and been beaten by 15-0, tonight we were a different team and only went down 11-2 (a much better result as far as we were concerned!) But that stupid cow on the other team doesn't understand the rule that when the keeper's hands are on the ball, it is effectively dead and no one else can go near it! She just kept on kicking even though I called out and had both hands firmly on it! the result was a F@#Ked finger on my left hand and me having to leave the pitch as the agony was making me shake. No apology or anything either! So now I sit here typing with one hand...making a million mistakes and having to correct as I go which is doubling the time...I have at least had a few beers and some wine, and loads of painkillers and am just about to turn in (still in pain, but less so now). If it still hurts like this tomorrow then my lucky boss will get a call bright and early and maybe he'll have to head over and run some of my jobs for the day! Every cloud does have a silver lining!
How were your weekends? Fabulous I hope! Ours started (as most of yours did, with the poker night) with a night out for Flit and a night in front of the tv for me...with a cheesecake and a bottle of wine! so I guess you could say it was fabulous all round! I was rudely woken at 4am with rather loud music....I got up and found a rather pissed husband listening (innocently) to something emmanating from the computer....after he was told how loud it was we were able to go back to sleep....something that was rudely interrupted again by said husband's SNORING! eventually I got back to sleep until the alarm worked it's magic at 7am!!!! Inhuman I know, but I got up and packed our clothes, toiletries and many pain killers and got ready for our drive out to Tumut! Over the next hour I nursed Flitcroft out of his coma and got him upright ( his first words to me were..."they made me drink girly drinks" and then "mooooaaaaaaaannnnn")...bundled him into the car with pills, pillows and earplugs and off we all set for good old Tumut to retrieve Sarah's car and spend a relaxing night on the farm (and throw a few wedding jobs into the mix!) after finding a good place for wedding hair, a good place for Brides (and acompanying party) to sleep and a possibilty for flowers, we had a lovely lunch, checked out some cars, visited Grandma and arrived safe and sound at the farm. Sarah and I headed out for a walk and were accosted by an orphaned sheep! When I say "WE were accosted..." I really just me "I"! That damn sheep thought I was it's best friend, and to the delight of Sarah, proceeded to gallop/prance/buck/nibble/follow/rub/step on me for the next 40 minutes!!! As we headed back to the farm, the sheep gave me numerous foot injuries by stepping on my thongs in it's haste to be next to me! Sarah was able to run back, but the more I ran the more this damn sheep pranced/bucked/charged/trod on me! eventually I realised that if I swung the stick I was holding behind me then each time he charged he got smacked...that taught him to keep back! I was able to find a fence I could climb (which he obviously couldn't)and started to enjoy my stroill back to the house......that was...until.....he bloody realised he could get around another way and off he lept to try and cut me off...much to the amusement of Flit, Sarah and Peta who had by now gathered in the front garden to watch this love story unfold! As you can imagine, the sheep's glee at finding another way round, filled me with dread and so I bolted to the gate and almost vaulted over it to safety! The next hour, as I sat reading the paper on the front verandah, was accompanied by the mournful bleating of a sheep deprived of his one true love! ( he hadn't found a way to me, just a way to the nearest fence) UNBELIEVABLE! I mean, I could understand if I had led him on, but this was just ridiculous! Anyway, later that day I thought I'd be rid of my fan when Flit decided to go for a walk himself. The sheep started following him, but after 100m or so he was torn and decided to turn around to continue his vigil by my side...I was officially being stalked by a SHEEP!.
My not-so-secret admirer!Anyway, onto my injury...we played Futsal tonight...great fun as usual! and might I say, the team I saw out there tonight really played their little socks off! We played a team we had previously met and been beaten by 15-0, tonight we were a different team and only went down 11-2 (a much better result as far as we were concerned!) But that stupid cow on the other team doesn't understand the rule that when the keeper's hands are on the ball, it is effectively dead and no one else can go near it! She just kept on kicking even though I called out and had both hands firmly on it! the result was a F@#Ked finger on my left hand and me having to leave the pitch as the agony was making me shake. No apology or anything either! So now I sit here typing with one hand...making a million mistakes and having to correct as I go which is doubling the time...I have at least had a few beers and some wine, and loads of painkillers and am just about to turn in (still in pain, but less so now). If it still hurts like this tomorrow then my lucky boss will get a call bright and early and maybe he'll have to head over and run some of my jobs for the day! Every cloud does have a silver lining!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
It's getting to feel a lot like Christmas...
Good ol' jolly St. Nick arrived early at the HOC this year!
Nick is wearing this fabulous christmas-tree costume to a work meeting at Hoyts this week. It even has working lights! (although unfortunately they weren't turned on in the photo)
Nick is wearing this fabulous christmas-tree costume to a work meeting at Hoyts this week. It even has working lights! (although unfortunately they weren't turned on in the photo)
Monday, November 13, 2006
MW (either Monday washup or Millions of Weddings!)
Is it just me or do the weeks fly past at the moment? It seems I am forever planning, writing or posting a Monday washup!!
Anyway, what a great weekend! I hope you all share my sentiments (except maybe for Noodle who just studied all the time). After a lovely evening out on Friday night (and a little belly dancing thrown in for good measure!) I packed up my goods and chattles and headed down to Bowral for a work mate's wedding. Glorious sunshine, not much traffic and the prospect of a fun day made for a very good trip down. It was held at the smallest chapel I think I have ever seen, stuck out in the middle of nowhere! Very picturesque, and when the beautiful bride appeared at the back of the church ready for that long and blurry walk down to her husband-to-be, all my wonderful memories came flooding back and I was so happy for what she was about to feel and experience! Weddings Rule!
Anyway, after the short but sweet ceremony, we all headed to a small town called Robertson for the reception, champagne and horse doovers on the lawn followed by a 3 course meal in the rather large and formal dining room, followed by drunken debaucherous dancing and shenannigans with total strangers. While at first it can be a little daunting not knowing anyone at a wedding, that all fades as the momentum of the day carries everyone along on a strange bonding experience.
Me, Jo (the Bride obviously) and Sylvia.
We do it all again in 2 weeks time for Jackie and Ben's wedding in Wagga! Woohoo! 'tis the season for weddings!
Anyway, what a great weekend! I hope you all share my sentiments (except maybe for Noodle who just studied all the time). After a lovely evening out on Friday night (and a little belly dancing thrown in for good measure!) I packed up my goods and chattles and headed down to Bowral for a work mate's wedding. Glorious sunshine, not much traffic and the prospect of a fun day made for a very good trip down. It was held at the smallest chapel I think I have ever seen, stuck out in the middle of nowhere! Very picturesque, and when the beautiful bride appeared at the back of the church ready for that long and blurry walk down to her husband-to-be, all my wonderful memories came flooding back and I was so happy for what she was about to feel and experience! Weddings Rule!
Anyway, after the short but sweet ceremony, we all headed to a small town called Robertson for the reception, champagne and horse doovers on the lawn followed by a 3 course meal in the rather large and formal dining room, followed by drunken debaucherous dancing and shenannigans with total strangers. While at first it can be a little daunting not knowing anyone at a wedding, that all fades as the momentum of the day carries everyone along on a strange bonding experience.
Me, Jo (the Bride obviously) and Sylvia.We do it all again in 2 weeks time for Jackie and Ben's wedding in Wagga! Woohoo! 'tis the season for weddings!
Friday, November 10, 2006
New Toy!
Shari and I have picked our house warming present for ourselves.... mmm, flashy 32" lcd sony bravia
Sorry just excited.
Sorry just excited.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Return of the dad joke...
Something for the newly weds
After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless. The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
And for everyone else
Once upon a time in a state far far away there was a train conductor who took his job very seriously. Now one day he was walking through one of the carriages asking people for their tickets when one of the passengers admitted that he had none. Seeing this infuriated the train conductor and as a result he picked the man up and violently threw him out of the train thus resulting in the mans horrible and gory death. The other passengers in the train were flabbergasted and upon arrival at the train station they reported the train conductors action to the police.
The police arrived and subsequently arrested the train conductor. He stood trial and was sentenced to death by electric chair.
While in jail the conductor spent most of his time knitting and reading books. His favourite was Catch 22, although Lord of the Flies came a close second. After several months had passed it was finally time for his execution to occur. The priest came to visit the conductor in his cell to make sure that the prisoner had made his peace with God prior to being executed and to offer the man one last wish.
The conductor thought about it then said "for my last wish I would love to drink the sweet juice of a Wai Kiki coconut. I have heard it is absolutely delicious." The priest thought this to be a reasonable request and granted it. Little did he know, however, that the Wai Kiki conconut only grows on the remote island of El Salvador in the Bahamas. But the wish was already granted so he had to fulfil it.
A prison guard was sent to El Salvadore to go and retrive a Wai Kiki coconut. Upon his arrival however, he was dismayed to discover that not only was the Wai Kiki coconut limited to this small island but there was only actually one Wai Kiki coconut tree in existence which was heavily guarded by some native Bahamians The Guard gritted his teeth and decided to approach these hostile looking natives, only to find that they were more then helpful. They told him exactly what he needed to know. Unfortunately, however, the guard was informed that he had arrived on this little remote island during the wrong season and would have to come back in 6 months time, when the Wai Kiki coconut would be ready for picking. The Guard sighed hopped on his boat and sailed back to Australia destined to return in 6 months time.
In the meantime, the conductor continued to sew and read books, and over time had grown very fond of Jane Austin novels. He had read them all religiously, but unfortunately the prison didn’t stock all of her novels and he had to get the prison warden to order some more in. By the time the new books arrived the prison warden was getting ready to set sail back to the Bahamas.
The prison warden hopped on his boat and set sail once more towards El Salvadore. This time he had arrived during the correct season and he promptly straddled the coconut tree and began to steadily climb it. Once he reached the top he noticed one lone little Wai Kiki coconut and carefully plucked it from between the cradle of the palm leaves. He slowly started to climb down when suddenly a rather vicious looking wasp appeared. Now the prison guard was terrified of bees and wasps, and was in fact getting treatment from a local MD to try cure him of this phobia. He began to violently sway his arms in a swatting motion to try deter the wasp’s approach. Unfortunately, however, this action resulted in him losing his grip from around the tree trunk and he ended up crashing to the ground with a tremendous THUD! the coconut fell smoothly and freely landing right on the guards head, shattering into shards of coconut schrapnel and knocking the guard unconscious.
After about half an hour the guard came to, looked at the broken coconut laying beside him and shook his head. He spent some time bemusing the fact that the phobia treatment wasn’t working and vowed to end the treatment upon his arrival to Australia. He then finally got up, shook his head and set sail back to Australia as only one Wai Kiki coconut sprouts each year.
Back in the cell the conductor had since got very bored with Jane Austin (who could blame him) and books in general and had now taken up playing cards, just to pass the time. The only problem was that because he was confined to an individual cell he had no one to play cards with and ended playing different variations of solitaire, until he found out about a game called FreeCell (what a revelation, for him it was the best thing since sliced bread!
A year passed (and boy oh boy did the conductor become a kick ass free cell player...he could have represented Aus in the Freecell League if it wasn’t for his incarceration). The Prison guard yet again departed for the Bahamas, except this time he took a plane...just to be different. So he arrives on El Salvador and to his pleasure there was the Wai Kiki coconut just hanging there waiting to be plucked. This time he took no chances (after all if he failed again he would probably lose his job) so he hired a crane from ACME Construction Co. (who were building the nearby roundabout) attended two weeks of coaching on how to operate the thing and set off to retrieve this very troublesome coconut. He attached a big padded basket, and a motorised pair of scissors to the cranes arm, turned it on and positioned it perfectly. he then slowly flicked a switch which sent an electrical pulse to the motorised scissors which subsequently cut the coconut lose and sent it plumeting into the basket. The guard then lowered the crane and set sail back to Australia, congratulating himself on his ingenuity.
Upon arrival at the prison he handed over the precious Wai Kiki coconut to the priest who then passed it on to the the conductor, who in turn drank the succulent juice. Now that the conductor’s last wish was fulfilled it was time to proceed with the execution. They strapped him into the electric chair and pulled the lever. Sparks went flying all round the room but the conductor survived! Astounded the priest walks up to him and asks “is the juice of the Wai Kiki coconut so magical that it saved your life??” the conductor replied “No I am just a bad conductor”
After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless. The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
And for everyone else
Once upon a time in a state far far away there was a train conductor who took his job very seriously. Now one day he was walking through one of the carriages asking people for their tickets when one of the passengers admitted that he had none. Seeing this infuriated the train conductor and as a result he picked the man up and violently threw him out of the train thus resulting in the mans horrible and gory death. The other passengers in the train were flabbergasted and upon arrival at the train station they reported the train conductors action to the police.
The police arrived and subsequently arrested the train conductor. He stood trial and was sentenced to death by electric chair.
While in jail the conductor spent most of his time knitting and reading books. His favourite was Catch 22, although Lord of the Flies came a close second. After several months had passed it was finally time for his execution to occur. The priest came to visit the conductor in his cell to make sure that the prisoner had made his peace with God prior to being executed and to offer the man one last wish.
The conductor thought about it then said "for my last wish I would love to drink the sweet juice of a Wai Kiki coconut. I have heard it is absolutely delicious." The priest thought this to be a reasonable request and granted it. Little did he know, however, that the Wai Kiki conconut only grows on the remote island of El Salvador in the Bahamas. But the wish was already granted so he had to fulfil it.
A prison guard was sent to El Salvadore to go and retrive a Wai Kiki coconut. Upon his arrival however, he was dismayed to discover that not only was the Wai Kiki coconut limited to this small island but there was only actually one Wai Kiki coconut tree in existence which was heavily guarded by some native Bahamians The Guard gritted his teeth and decided to approach these hostile looking natives, only to find that they were more then helpful. They told him exactly what he needed to know. Unfortunately, however, the guard was informed that he had arrived on this little remote island during the wrong season and would have to come back in 6 months time, when the Wai Kiki coconut would be ready for picking. The Guard sighed hopped on his boat and sailed back to Australia destined to return in 6 months time.
In the meantime, the conductor continued to sew and read books, and over time had grown very fond of Jane Austin novels. He had read them all religiously, but unfortunately the prison didn’t stock all of her novels and he had to get the prison warden to order some more in. By the time the new books arrived the prison warden was getting ready to set sail back to the Bahamas.
The prison warden hopped on his boat and set sail once more towards El Salvadore. This time he had arrived during the correct season and he promptly straddled the coconut tree and began to steadily climb it. Once he reached the top he noticed one lone little Wai Kiki coconut and carefully plucked it from between the cradle of the palm leaves. He slowly started to climb down when suddenly a rather vicious looking wasp appeared. Now the prison guard was terrified of bees and wasps, and was in fact getting treatment from a local MD to try cure him of this phobia. He began to violently sway his arms in a swatting motion to try deter the wasp’s approach. Unfortunately, however, this action resulted in him losing his grip from around the tree trunk and he ended up crashing to the ground with a tremendous THUD! the coconut fell smoothly and freely landing right on the guards head, shattering into shards of coconut schrapnel and knocking the guard unconscious.
After about half an hour the guard came to, looked at the broken coconut laying beside him and shook his head. He spent some time bemusing the fact that the phobia treatment wasn’t working and vowed to end the treatment upon his arrival to Australia. He then finally got up, shook his head and set sail back to Australia as only one Wai Kiki coconut sprouts each year.
Back in the cell the conductor had since got very bored with Jane Austin (who could blame him) and books in general and had now taken up playing cards, just to pass the time. The only problem was that because he was confined to an individual cell he had no one to play cards with and ended playing different variations of solitaire, until he found out about a game called FreeCell (what a revelation, for him it was the best thing since sliced bread!
A year passed (and boy oh boy did the conductor become a kick ass free cell player...he could have represented Aus in the Freecell League if it wasn’t for his incarceration). The Prison guard yet again departed for the Bahamas, except this time he took a plane...just to be different. So he arrives on El Salvador and to his pleasure there was the Wai Kiki coconut just hanging there waiting to be plucked. This time he took no chances (after all if he failed again he would probably lose his job) so he hired a crane from ACME Construction Co. (who were building the nearby roundabout) attended two weeks of coaching on how to operate the thing and set off to retrieve this very troublesome coconut. He attached a big padded basket, and a motorised pair of scissors to the cranes arm, turned it on and positioned it perfectly. he then slowly flicked a switch which sent an electrical pulse to the motorised scissors which subsequently cut the coconut lose and sent it plumeting into the basket. The guard then lowered the crane and set sail back to Australia, congratulating himself on his ingenuity.
Upon arrival at the prison he handed over the precious Wai Kiki coconut to the priest who then passed it on to the the conductor, who in turn drank the succulent juice. Now that the conductor’s last wish was fulfilled it was time to proceed with the execution. They strapped him into the electric chair and pulled the lever. Sparks went flying all round the room but the conductor survived! Astounded the priest walks up to him and asks “is the juice of the Wai Kiki coconut so magical that it saved your life??” the conductor replied “No I am just a bad conductor”
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
The race that stops a Nation!
Ah the marvelous Melbourne cup! I love it! What better excuse to scive off work for the afternoon and head to a fabulous pub with mates for a bevvie and a bet?
As is our little tradition, my mate Sylvia (ex-merck) and I headed down to the Oakes in Neutral Bay for our once a year flutter and a good catch up. It was sooooooooooooooo busy! It appears everyone had the same idea! Never mind, we secured a great couch right near a large screen and proceeded to drink, in the warm up for the race. We had both placed bets on various horses....I had Yeats and Tawqeet (the two favourites) aswell as my own picks: Maybe better and Mandela...both of which I very studiously researched and felt very proud that I had chosen two fine specimens that no one else knew about! I HAD to win! in fact, Sylv and I were totally convinced it was impossible for us NOT to win.
Three o'clock ticked round.... and the as the pub fell silent, we waited with baited breath for the gates to open and the horses to launch themselves forth.....and then...they were racing....andzabeatwasinthefrontformostoftheracewhilemandelasatin fourthyeatsstartedtomoveuptheinsidewhilemandelamovedoutofviewthentheJapaneshorsespoprockand
deltabluescomeupandlookingoodform! It's a close race to the end as the two jockeys cross the line on their Japanese trained horses...It's Delta Blues in first and Pop Rock in second with Maybe Better coming in third! None of the favourites made a showing and so there were some very happy and some very miserable people at the Oakes today! The crowd very quickly moved back to their places of work, and just those of us allowed to stay, drank on.
Both Sylv and I had chosen horses that placed, but no wins, we collected our pitiful $15 from the TAB and decided that next year we'd definately be on the money!
Thank goodness this only happens once a year or else we'd seriously be out of pocket!
i-boob
Announcement from Apple
"Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them."
"Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them."
Monday, November 06, 2006
For all aspiring Footballers...
This was sent through curtesy of a mad West Ham fan (Jim to most of you) gotta love the passing as they move in to score.....
see you all tonight!
see you all tonight!
Friday, November 03, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Pick-me-up
and reality check.
http://www.globalrichlist.com/
(Currently AUD 1 = GBP 0.405 and AUD 1 = USD 0.7682)
http://www.globalrichlist.com/
(Currently AUD 1 = GBP 0.405 and AUD 1 = USD 0.7682)
I bet this guy looked like David Boreanaz:
The SMH reports:
A daredevil Good Samaritan saved the life of a truck driver and averted a potentially serious accident today with his bravery and quick thinking, Hunter Valley ambulance officers say.
The Good Samaritan, understood to be a local miner, was driving near Cessnock when he encountered a swerving semi-trailer on Wollombi Road at Bellbird around 6.50am. Noticing the truck driver was slumped over the wheel, the motorist immediately did a u-turn and accelerated past the truck before stopping ahead of it.
The man somehow managed to climb aboard the cab while it was moving and pull the handbrake before calling an ambulance for the stricken driver, an ambulance spokeswoman said.
The middle-aged, diabetic truck driver had fallen unconscious because of low blood sugar levels, she said. He had been treated at the scene and partially regained consciousness by the time he reached Cessnock Hospital. His condition was improving, the spokeswoman said. The identity of the brave motorist remained a mystery as he did not give his name to ambulance officers.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Taxidermy for the Masses
If ever you were interested in gutting a Rat and slotting in LEDs for eyes, I've found the perfect site for you here
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