Shoesday - a rebuttal

Last week, Flitcroft quite nobly came in to bat for the shoe dedicate’s spouse and bravo to him for such a brave effort. He surely managed to pull out a few scary statistics and brandish about some quite sad images of bills unpaid and ruinous ‘addictions’ etc etc etc.

Unfortunately for the plight of truth and justice, he failed to get to the crux of the issue and shied away from the big questions. Birth, life, death. The article he cited did brush against an important fact in relation to these issues but alas, dropped it before truth could come to full fruition. And so today, ladies and gentleman, I will attempt to roll up my sleeves and sort the grain from the chaff, the needles from the hay, the gold from the pyrite, the potatoes from the parsnips, the men from the girly men, and address the issue of ladies shoes and their contribution to the betterment of mankind.

Birth
The survival of the species depends on it. It is a dangerous process proceeding from an even more dangerous process. Dating.

Dating
In Australia, the number of unmarried men is significantly less than the number of unmarried women. This creates the need for competition between members or the fairer sex. Women need to be more eye-catching, sexier, better, than their genetically inferior competitors. Good genes have to be served up attractively to men so they can be clearly identified from their ugly-shoe-wearing and clearly mentally and physically deficient sisters. As Flit’s article points out, sexy shoes are a significant factor in the selection of a mate and the process of copulation, for both gene contributors.

Life
Shoes beget shoes. One pair of kick-arse corporate heels breeds the confidence and career betterment to produce the kind of money needed to buy 5 more kick-arse corporate heels. Those five in turn breed yet another five each, bringing the total for the next generation to 25. Those twenty five… well you get the idea. Unless women diversify into strappy sandals, summery slides, girly flats and edgy trainers, wardrobes could potentially become over-run with pointy toed stilettos with attitude. And we don’t want that, do we?

To address the question of bills, the article states that women ‘would rather’ spend money on shoes than bills. This merely points to the foresight and economic strategy these shoe loving women possess. A good pair of brown suede Mollinis to go with this outfit today, a suitable love match, brilliant job and intelligent, musically gifted, physically perfect offspring tomorrow. If only men applied that kind of prioritisation and forward thinking to their own wardrobes.

Death
This happens independently of shoes. It is a fundamental part of life and can not be avoided (though a swift SWF-style blow to the eye socket with a 4 inch heel can bring it on.) Luckily, many women can die happy by looking back on their long life, extensive shoedrobe and know - they were truly blessed.