Everyone Counts

Well let me start this with - If in 5 years time I go "I think i will do the Census again" - shot me I have gone insane.

Things I have learnt and experienced

• People are strange - you think your neighbourhood is filled with normal people like yourself - It is not.
• The statement of "I don't want your bloody form leave it under the door" not only makes no sense, when followed by the slamming the door is just plain rude
• No I don't want $2
• The question of how many Males and Females will be here next Tuesday should not be followed with the folowing "David Jones, the Gas bill, Other Bills, not many people write letters anymore do they, the gas bill, some shopping letters, david jones, the gas bill some catalouges the phone bill, the gas bill" "OK that's enough"
  
• No I don't think your mother will over stay her "tourist visa", yes you still need to count her even if she is going to China next year - Who are we kidding Amanda Vanstone will get your Census form and lock your mother up in a WA concentration camp even though she is 86 and enjoying her first holiday - I will pick that form up Sunday week, have a great night.
• Please tell me in detail where you were for the last 3 cenuses I care. You may think that I am doing this to fund a ski trip to Canada - wrong I say - It is so i can listen to you tell me that you were overseas for the '91 count. Just take the damn forms and do the E census so that we never meet again
• Just letting you know that you can complete the census on line this year -
  
• House Holder "why would I put it on the washing line"
  
• Nick "Sorry I meant the internet"
• HH "I know It was a joke"
• Nick death stares bike riding Kiwi
• HH complies with further instructions without attempts of humour
  
• Ring the census help line quote the 15 digit number on your form and then ask for a new form because you can't read the number (I would understand it is my writting which is no Monet but they quote the number so i know which house it was to replace ARRRGGGHHH)
• Yes children count
• How many males and how many females? , "1 of each and a baby" You have one of the genderless babies too? There are about 76 in a 2 block radius. Do parents not check this anymore. I'm sure it was one of the first things I check when someone spawns.
• You can get stickers for your front door instructing the Fire Brigade in an emergency how many cats, dogs, birds and other animals you have and need to be rescued. Maybe this sticker should read in which order to save things - do you get Great Aunt Esme out of the back room before the Budgie?
  

227 out of 383 form delivered can't wait till tomorrow. Maybe someone from ABS will find this post and I will get fired?

Finally
Do not get to know your neighbours. Stick to friends you meet on picnic tables in your youth, turns out you did not do too bad after all.

Google is so LAST WEEK

My NEW favourite search engine.

up me pick Friday

Mattess does Noir

Last night's Trivia efforts were actually a fun and carefree affair, contrary to this dark and sophisticated interpretation by the brooding Mattess (and the delightful Liela).

I would like to extend my apologies to Tom who guessed Koala as the QLD fauna emblem. As restitution, I offer to him the QLD bird emblem - the brolga, the gem emblem - the sapphire and the flora emblem - the Cooktown orchid.

Blog Domination

As part of my commitment to time wasting AND Liela, my new phone, I thought I'd take a few photos for you. I realise that there is a proliferation of Sarah posts this week, so let me know if you want me to pipe down!

For now, though, here is my humble work station. For anyone in the know, you can just make out that it is actually WORK up on my monitor. Not a food-jewellry website.


And here is the view through my window. Not a bad day it's shaping up to be.

Hope to see the Sydney residents at the pub tonight. I am going to inflict you on Noodle's friend's wife who's staying with me at the mo'.

And don't worry. I will be bringing Liela for you to meet.

Shari is losing her job :(

Well, that got you reading... Not her day job, but her job as banker in every board game. For those of you that have played a board game with Shari, you know that she quickly snaps up the position of banker, as she loves the feel of money and power. Muhahahaha. Anyway, now they are going to be doing away with it, cash and all. So how will the future monopoly and game of life work without cash you ask? Well, go on, ask... Credit cards! Everythings going to be on credit now. No more bankers, but a little credit card machine and everyone gets a card, Of course they are VISA's, -cou-shameless plug-gh-

They are even going to update the prices to more reaslistic London prices for the english version. That's enough to depress any adult players.

BBC News Article of it
And for our Parisian peruser the french version

The Cross over Nerdiness and Punniness

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

New heights of Punniness

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard. Thus, the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years, Benny decided he wanted to shave. He asked the elders for their advice. They were shocked. They reminded him of the ancient warning that the leader who shaved would be turned into earthenware.

Benny scoffed at that, and cut his beard. As the final whisker was cut, a huge dust storm came up. When it cleared, there stood a man-sized clay vessel. The elders knew the legend must be true. "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

?

This puzzles me and amuses me, I think.

Yes... Yes... Yes!

This is my sexy new phone! I call her Liela and I love her so. I really don't know much about her features because (and I'm not ashamed to admit it) I chose her for her looks. And her slinky velvet pouch. And her tricky little swivel. And the weighty cozy way she snuggles into my palm. She is a sleek little unit. She is 'inspiringly playful' and I love her.

Shoesday - Balancing Act

As anyone who knows me will attest, I am a moderate woman. I am never ever ever prone to exaggeration, bias or ranting of any kind. I believe in hearing all opinions, exploring every side of an argument, weighing each case carefully, verifying evidence and ultimately settling on a watered down and inoffensive version of the findings. Today, this admirable trait of mine will be evident in my exploration of the ‘expert’ opinion of podiatrists on the question of high heels.

They claim that high heels are bad for us. They say that the beauty and class of a well crafted high heel can cause all manner of undesirable pathologies, including toe deformities, corns and calluses, ankle equinus, considerable lower back pain and even misalignment of the back and hips. But I ask you, can we believe these claims from a profession who, let’s face it, aren’t even doctors?

They claim that high heels are purely decorative. They claim that high heels merely act to eroticize the legs by plantarflexing the ankle joints, activating gluteal muscles and making breasts more prominent via spinal lordosis. They seek to strip high heels of their functional purpose, but clearly podiatrists are not a good foot shorter than the average female and don’t know the emotional suffering of being ignored trying to procure cocktails from a busy bar or the physical strain of craning to give a kiss to a 6’-something, handsome, intelligent, funny and altogether brilliant guy.

And I ask you, what value can one put on art? Surely it is as priceless as a starry sky, a new born lamb, a sufferer’s death, a stormy sea. Without it, we would be merely animals. And how much closer to the ground?

Monday wash up

Thank goodness the weather was good! I was getting so sick of rain! I know the PC thing to say would be "well, the farmers need the rain so we should be grateful for it" but damn it! When the catchment areas only get 3mm from 6 days of straight rain then I will happily rejoice when the weather is fine...so will my washing that is drying nicely now thank you very much!

Anyway, Saturday, while the boys headed out to play some golf, I took myself to Fox studios to organise flowers for the wedding of the year. Very happy with the result too.... I'd love to share more with you about this, but then I may have to kill you all! There have to be some suprises!

Anyway, it took less time than I thought, so I headed to Chatswood to shop all afternoon....I love spending money! hehehe

Saturday night we headed out to Neutral bay for pool and riotousness (I think that's a word, and if it wasn't before, then it is now) Flit left his cue there and I played video games till the wee hours when we got home...never try to explain the actions of a drunkard!

Sunday saw us driving out to the country to see our priest for wedding stuff, we didn't get lost coming home this time which was great....and now we're at work on Monday slogging away till the next weekend brings us happiness and fun....you can tell I love my job eh?

Stand in Nerd Post

You may remember when I was overseas, I was posting photos from Zooomr, a photo sharing website. Well they've just upgraded to Zooomr 2 which has a lot of really funky features. You can upload your photos and then geo tag them. That means you can pinpoint the exact place the photo was taken on a google map. You can look at photos other people have taken in the same place as yours. You can also tag your photos with keywords,sort them into smart sets and link the photos with people in them to that person's Zoomr account. Its all free, and you can join up at www.zooomr.com

This was taken in Ravello, a truly stunning spot.

Late but not forgotten.

No time for nerdiness today but....



Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed.

She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math.

She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.

"Well, then," she replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around!"

Wakefield

Welcome to my favourite pastime involving 4 wheels – “as much fun as you can have without your trousers exploding” as Jeremy Clarkson once said.

This hobby involves getting up well before the crack of dawn to drive for a couple of hours in the freezing cold to Wakefield Park just outside Goulburn. The purpose of the day is driving timed laps of Wakefield Park with the aim of beating my own best time as well as trying to beat the times of other cars in my class.

There’s normally between 6 and 9 cars on the circuit at the same time but ‘racing’ is strictly prohibited – safe passing only on straights etc. The day is excellently organized and run by the MX5 club of NSW, they provide instruction for first timers as well as doing all the track marshalling duties required. There are normally about 40-50 drivers on the day and part of the enjoyment of the day is talking to fellow owners / enthusiasts, there really is quite a cross section of society with this bunch – no stereotypes here I’m afraid, think 8 hours of straight car related talk and you’ve got it (I can hear the screaming from here).

At this point I should point out that Goulburn seems to have two different temperatures available throughout the year either 40C or freezing point, the reason this matters is that I can’t drive with the top up as it interferes with my helmet so I’m fairly exposed to the elements.

Some stats for you, Wakefield is 2.2km long with 10 turns, my best time is 1:16:63 which is an average speed of just over 103kmh, top speed (for me) is around 160kmh at turn 1 which is a gentle right hander, some of the track cars which use heavily modified engines, suspension, brakes and semi-slick tyres will top 180 through that turn. Most cars will only use 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th gears (myself included) once out on the course and some of the faster/talented drivers only use 3^rd and 4^th.

One of the biggest benefits of doing this is to really explore what the car will do in a relatively safe environment, I’ve slid off the track many times now and apart from some dust in the car no harm has been done, it really provides a release for any desire to try any of this stuff on the road – which is probably a good thing as I’d be locked up for it.

If you’re really bored and want a closer look at Wakefield Park try this map or this aerial shot or even this description of the course.

For those interested I think the first shot was taken just coming out of turn 10 and the second one is on turn 5.

Can't wait for next time.

We have a House!

Yes we do! We sign the lease this Thursday evening to make it all final....

It is in St Leonards, very short walk to the station, and it has plenty of room for all our shit. All boxes ticked...

Phew! One more thing I can cross off the list.

Shoesday - By Proxy

Ok, so I have found someone who is possibly more mental about shoes than Sarah and I put together. Her name is Therese and she not only loves shoes, she writes letters to them and modifies popular songs so she can sing them to her new purchases!

I am in AWE! This girl has true dedication and perhaps (I say perhaps, but mean absolutely) has too much time on her hands. If I think about it, she probably belongs in an asylum of some sort, but for now it is enough to just enjoy her work and think ahead to our next shoe purchase and whether we will be as in love with it as she so obviously is!

(Therese recommends you actually sing this song out loud and with exaggerated drama. You know you want to…)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never find shoes I could wear with pride
But I spent so many minutes thinking how I was so wrong
Didn't take long; you were the third pair I tried on.
And there you were — in that great space!
I just walked in to find you there with that detail! Oh, in that case!
I should have known it was a lock, I should have known you'd be for me
If I had known that beforehand I could not have been more happy

And then when I, walked out the door, just turned around then
I could not have asked for more
Weren't you the one to whom I couldn't say goodbye
Oh did I crumble, did I laugh and did I sigh!
Oh yes, did I, and did survive
As long as I've got you to love I know I'll be alive
All summer you I will wear, and it will be with great flair
and I'll survive, I will survive, hey hey!

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to look away from price; had to be smart.
and I spent oh so many sighs just feeling sorry for myself
I thought I'd cry, now I hold my head up high
Because you see, you are brand new
I hadn't found new shoes in weeks, I fell in love with you
and so you felt like heaven and you for sure belonged on my feet
now I'm saving you for Friday cause that's when we will party!

Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now
We have to strut a few times more
Weren't you the one to whom I couldn't say goodbye
Oh did I crumble, did I laugh and did I sigh!
Oh yes did I, and did survive
The happiness of finding you is not contrived
For spring too I will wear, I will be careful — this I swear
and I'll survive, I will survive, hey hey!

You can also read the letter she wrote to her new boots here. I am not as enamoured with the said boots as she, but I admire her dedication to them.

Good thing she seems to have a sense of humour about it all….
(this is just a little dialogue she posted that amused her)
“Michelle - (thoughtfully) I was thinking of taking up a hobby. Like shoes.
Graham - (reasonably) Couldn't you find a cheaper hobby?
Michelle - (looks up)
Graham - Like crack.”

So there…next time you open your mouths to remark on a lady’s shoe love, think of Therese, close your mouth and say a silent prayer of thanksgiving that you don’t know her!

My Job

Sometimes it's really worth turning up to work.

Yesterday I was working away at the all important task of uncovering my desk. My Keyboard was in serious danager of being swallowed up by a pile of multicoloured folders any way I degress. There was a knock at the door and in came one of my lovely staff members holding a large plastic bag. She hands over the plastic bag and informs me it is from her mum. Then the smell of freshly cooked food hit me. I look up with a sparkle in my eye and say
"what does this large tray contain?"
"Mum made Lasagne for you"
"a whole tray of it?"
"mum loves you"
"she's only uuuman"

Very excited yummy home cooked lasagne from a lovely mum!

I love my job (sometimes)

I'm away

in Brisbane this week so I'm kicking shoesday to Gretta...

Alternate Monday Wash up

Since I got nothin' really to report on today, apart from househunting, boardgames and marriage preparation with appropriate priest, I thought I would "wash up" someone elses life this week.


You may have heard of him, his name is Kyle MacDonald and he's kinda cute...
Anyway, he had a little goal to get a big house, problem was, he had no money. His solution?...trade one red paperclip till he acheived his dream....

That's right, he started out with a little red paperclip, which he traded for a fish pen with some canadian vegans, he in turn traded this for a smacked out ET ceramic door knob in Seattle... This is his account...Question from passerby: “What are you holding? Me: “A Knob-T" Passerby again: “What’s a Knob-T?” Me again: “It’s pretty much my favorite Seattle souvenir. It’s like a tripped-out version of E.T. crossed with a doorknob...bred for its skills and magic.” If only. I think it's all a little Napoleon Dynamite....creepy thing is, his Grandpa is called Napoleon!!!

Moving right along, he traded his knob-T for a coleman camping stove. The next trade, he promised, would be a bonanza! He offered a meal cooked on the stove, plus the stove of course for something bigger...it was time to trade up....

A sergent in the US army answered his call and traded him for a generator, this in turn was traded for an instant party... yep, a keg full of beer and neon Budweiser sign...Bargain!

Next up, Kyle hit the big time with some radio announcer offering his snowmobile for the instant party kit....CNN showed up to catch it all on film and now Kyle was hitting the big time...here's his take on the situation: "It's a funny feeling when somebody recognizes you from a picture on your website that you set up in your bedroom while eating toast in your underwear" Instant party to instant fame!

The snowmobile was traded for a Holiday, which in turn was traded for a truck... seems people would give just about anything to be in on this trade phenomenon. Somehow our boy Kyle managed to trade the truck for a RECORDING CONTRACT! Amazing! Now he really has bargaining power! And not to disappoint, Jody Gnant offered one year rent free in her Pheonix apartment for the contract. Let's hope it pays off!

This next trade is just insane!!! Apparently Jody's next door neighbour in Pheonix figured she could get her rent free if she traded with Kyle the one thing she could offer...an afternoon with Alice Cooper! you see, she works for him at his restaurant (I know...Alice Cooper owns a restaurant??)...he was happy to obilge and now the stakes were raised with the chicken killing rocker.

Kyle would have loved to keep this trade for himself, but was on a mission for a house, so traded it for....what else?...a Kiss, motorised, yes motorised snow globe! Well Corbin Bersen (or LA Law fame) thought the globe was valuable enough to offer one lucky trader a role in his new movie!

The final installment in this saga occurred when the mayor and townsfolk of Kipling, Saskatchewan Canada waded in offering a 3 bedroom house for the movie role! Kyle had done it...one red paperclip for one house in one year!

Now he's organising the world's biggest housewarming party and we're all invited!
See more here

Up Friday Me Pick

As a new superman movie is released and thousands of people around the world flock to Cinemas to see the new installment, it is worth remembering that Superman started as a comic book character. Not only did he star in just his own comic book (ironically titled "Superman"), but he also made appearances in several spin offs. And you know what?

Superman is a Dick.



The comic book covers on this site are real and unedited.

John's Trivia Glory

It's Nava Nut! The third Canadian province with 7 letters in the name. There was derision and disquiet when Flit over-ruled the others to go with John's fanciful sounding answer but BINGO! He hit the nail on the head and catapulted us yet another point ahead of the scabby looking competition.



This is the Nava Nut flag. The colors blue and yellow symbolize the riches of the land, sea and sky. Red (brown?) is a reference to Canada. The Inuksuk (centre) symbolizes stone monuments which guide people on the land, and also marks sacred and other special places. The star is the Niqirtsuituq (North Star), and the traditional guide for navigation. The North Star is also symbolic of the leadership of the elders in the community.

Funny lookin', huh.

WE LOVE JOHN!

tenuious segues

Ok the quest for a dad joke and my enjoyment of the topic of spam has lead to this little funny gem bound to be found in any 'dads' video collection. - Ok it's not the best link in to showing this video but did I mention shut up.

And...

Neophilliacs beware, they have may have found the cause to your curse - the gene responisible for your gadget habit

Also...

And a great new plane - ever wanted to fly like a bird, no not a gentle soar but the flapping of wings now you can - first ornithopter flight

And finally...

Last week Dr. Stephen Hawking asked a question on Yahoo Answers (ask a question and other people answer). "How can the human race survive the next hundred years?" - here are the 15000 answers from people

Ohh... And the dad joke

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten".

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hit the water and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

During the next tropical storm, Justin figured that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was thinking of being a prawn, a flash of lightning struck the water next to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned back into prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way, man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back " No I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed..."

...."I'm a prawn again Christian"........

Shoesday - Vive La France

As Bastille Day is merely days away, I looked to a French theme for my shoesday post today. However, I got waylaid and found some funny Dutch shoes instead, made from food.

Mild cheddar cheese.



Butter (with pancakes).


Of course, a food shoedrobe would be incomplete without...

And ever popular with the kids-

(Note the Flemish addition of mayo to the french fries shoe.)

Thankyou for your attention.

Sneaky Insight.

I know your curious about about the boys night margs, so here's a sneaky insight.

Up Wash Monday

The time has rolled around again for yet another Monday wash up....

So, what has been happening this weekend? Well I believe the weekend kicked off with a boy's poker night, but as I don't have the right dangly bits I have no idea what occurred so can't fill you in. Saturday brought more househunting! joy oh joy! damn some people live in weird houses!! I hate the trudging around, but I love the possibility....you never know what is through the next doorway!

Sunday brought with it shopping and diamonds...two of my favourite things. We purchased our wedding rings which was very exciting!! Trying them on repeatedly that afternoon was even more exciting!!

All in all a rather boring weekend to relay...but a rather cruisey and fun weekend to be a part of.

Today it all went to hell in a handbasket when I dropped my phone down the stormwater drain, luckily there was a lovely man who ripped up the grate and jumped down into the murky depths to get it for me! Ahh chivalry is not dead!

Hopefully this week we'll see more of the usual columns than last week!!!

Engagement Party II - With A Vengence!

Due to the popularity of the engagement party we held in Sydney earlier in the year, Sarah and I decided to take our show on the road. First stop: Buninyong, Victoria, where rumour has it we have quite a strong fan-base.

We're really struggling to find anywhere else that might be interested to host any further occasions, however - it seems you actually have to know the people before you force them to come to a random party in your honour.

We had a great turnout - pretty much everyone came (about 50 people) - and incredibly, food and drink were purchased in just the right quantities to suit the demand. Mum, Dad and Anna put in a great effort preparing everything. All in all, it was a great day, and it continued well into the night, and even on to breakfast the following morning in town.

These photos may be fairly boring to many of you, but I'll put them up anyway in case anyone is interested....

Nick (groomsman) and his fiancee Martha:

Alanna, Suse, [Sarah] and Jo (who all lived with Sarah in Melbourne for varying degrees of time) Also, my cousin David and my Dad in background:

My sister Anna, our friend Caitlin, and my best man, James:

My cousin AnnMaree, my cousin Helen and her husband Ivan:

My cousin Paul, my cousin David and his fiancee Andrea:

702 Knit In

So I started my research for my next blog effort. Which I decided would be the ABC 702 Knit In. I go the the ABC website follow the links and the first thing i find is a picture of Aunty Kate at last years Knit In (the lady in pick at the end for the few of you that have yet to meet Aunty Kate)

If you haven't heard of the Knit In it is for a charity called Wraped With Love. These fabulous people make wraps and send them all over the world to people in need. Places like Afghanistan where they give them to Girls as an encouragement to go to school after years of Girls not being allowed to atttend school - Warm fuzzy things like that.


The ABC has done all the real work for my so I'm just going to publish the links

http://www.abc.net.au/sydney/stories/s906464.htm

http://www.abc.net.au/sydney/stories/s1153876.htm

http://www.abc.net.au/sydney/stories/knit_howto.htm

Even instructions on how to Knit - Need these as i would normally just make Jenny to the hard bits but she ran of to Paris.

Now you are all informed about the Knit In.

Nick

Pick Me Friday Up

As Lord Of The Helpdesk I am forced to deal with morons. Share the pain of technical support, and have yourself a chuckle too.

......it's eerily quiet.....

Shoesday - The Worshipful Company of Cordwainers

Hello fellow shoe lovers and witnesses to our dedication. I was a little startled to find that I’d been incorrectly assuming that a cobbler, apart from being a delightful dessert, is the name for a shoe maker. Not so! Those in the trade will tell you that a cobbler is merely he or she who repairs shoes. (Hey, don’t get me wrong, these noble men and women have a very special place in our society.) The proper term for a shoe maker, the craftsman of craftsmen, the artist and poet, is a Cordwainer.



Also today, I found out that there is an organisation called “The Worshipful Company of Cordwainers”, headquartered in London. The auspicious organisation was founded in 1272 as a guild and thrives today, supporting the art of cordwaining through education, fellowship and charity fund management. I love that these archaic groups still exist, in “Clothworkers Hall, Dunster Court, Mincing Lane” no less.

So it's monday....again!

Dadadada! this is the 300th Post on the Stephen Roberts Blog! What a huge milestone...well done everyone!

On to other things...it's Monday! And by experience so far, it ain't a very good one. 3 fights with Marketing, one cancellation from those facists at Head Office and a pile of work that doesn't seem to be getting smaller. Pretty crap if you ask me.

BUT...as this is a weekend wash up report I won't focus on today, instead, cast your mind back to the weekend when the days were free, and your time was yours....when phone calls came from mates and arguments were about which wine to drink with dinner. Ahhhhh happy days....

Househunting was all the rage this weekend. Flit and I made our initial attempts to find a house....so many weird places, one had a sloped floor, some had teeny tiny rooms, odd kitchens, cupboards that could only fit one plate each you name it, it's out there! Finally we found one place we could live in, pity the back garden was only 5cm squared!! I guess we'll be back out next weekend for round two. Meanwhile Mattes and G'Nick were up looking in papers for their next abode.....they didn't end up going anywhere much and we came home to find them still kicking about.....seems it can get a bit much after 5 weeks with no luck. Maybe next week will be the big one!

Sunday saw an old school friend, Louise, get married....very lavish wedding! Not sure how much I should say here as it could just turn into a rant. Suffice to say, she looked beautiful!!! and my brain ticked at a million miles an hour as I ruled out and ruled IN ideas for my own big day (only 2 months left...invites go out today!)

The sad news of the weekend is that England is no longer in the WC, I believe Flit's last word as he went to sleep was "POO!" I think that about sums it up!

My Ebay mate Terry

I feel the need to relate this tale of Ebay rage since my run-in with Terry Simms, ebay terrorist and enemy of spelling and grammar. It all started with me selling some radio equipment from work on ebay. Check it out here . Anyway it sold for more than I was expecting, and my mate Terry sent me the standard ebay buying message

9/6/06
Dear starrmania,

I will be sending payment of AU $200.00 via Bank Deposit shortly.

ok can you please send me your bank details as i will deposit via anz net bank can you email me on fumanny@yahoo.com.au

Seems pretty straight forward, although he forgot the postage bit.

9/6/06
Ok no problem. Did you want me to get a postage cost for you before you send payment?

My bank details are

xxxxxx
xxxxxx


Matt

I heard nothing from Terry for a while, I thought nothing of it, he probably has a busy life to attend to. I got this a few days later.

15/6/06
whats is goin on with my item
reagrds
Terry

Ok good, Terry is ready to get this thing organised.

15/6/06
Hi Terry, Postage will be $20 so the total will be $220. I will send as soon as I get the deposit. MY bank details are

xxxxx
xxxxx

Cheers

Matt

Easy. A nice simple Ebay transaction. Or so it seemed...

15/6/06
didnt you state in your add that postage was free as stated in your add whats this postage charges ?

Well I thought it was pretty obvious on the ad that the buyer needs to pay whatever the postage is. That's reasonable isn't it? I'm not trying to make money off the freight, I just don't think I should have to pay to mail it to whatever backwater this purchaser of fine goods lives in. Before I could respond to Terry I get this.

15/6/06
i have payed $220 this again can u please send it
regards
terrence j simms

This was on a Thursday, I checked my account on Friday and the money wasn't there. No great shock, these things take longer than expected sometimes.

On Sunday, Terry got a bit excited and decided to launch a salvo across my bow to show he means business.

18/6/06
can u please tell me what the hell is happening i have payed for this item $220 as u stated but u dont communicate `what are you a ebayer or not

2 Minutes later he fired the same salvo with, wait for it, a question mark!

18/6/06
can u please tell me what the hell is happening i have payed for this item $220 as u stated but u dont communicate `what are you a ebayer or not
?

By this stage I was a little bit fired up and keen to defend my status as "a ebayer" so I sent a lengthy but (I thought) polite response to let Terry know this wasn't appropriate.

18/6/06
Hello Terry, I have received your payment. In Australia payments between different banks are processed overnight so I could not confirm this until yesterday. I'm sorry I haven't responded as fast as you would like but I am not a proffessional ebay seller. I have a job and a family to look after as well. As it is a weekend the Post office is not open so I cannot send your item until Monday morning. Please show a little bit of patience and manners, and your item will arrive in due course.

Ok maybe I shouldn't have invented the family I have to look after, but you get the point, Terry is an idiot and he shouldn't be getting all uppity about this.

So I send off the item, it only cost me $14.40 and I thought about contacting Terry to see if he wanted the change. That was until I received this little gem in my ebay message folder.

26/6/06
hope you enjoy the feedback (learn to explain and not crap on thanx)
Regards
Wont Be Ripped Off by ebay scammers

Well Terry sure showed me. How dare I declare postage in the ad, ask him to pay for it, and then get a little miffed by his aggressive posturing. I did however see through his cunning ruse to change his name to "Wont Be Ripped Off by ebay scammers". This he left on my user profile.

"stated in ad postage free then makes me cop bank charges after refund a joke"

I was a little concerned people reading my feedback may not be able to tell from this incoherent rant that Terry is nuts, so I responded on my feedback profile.

Reply by starrmania: Stated VERY clearly postage at buyers expense. This guy was weird and abusive

Then I left Terry some choice words on his feedback.

Agressive, impatient and doesn't want to pay postage. Not a good guy . Avoid!!!!

The funny thing is, Terry's user rating is higher than mine despite getting 8 negative feedbacks in the last year.

I also sent him a message in reply.

28/6/06
Read the Ad mate. It said --I'm happy to post anywhere at buyers cost. The unit is reasonably heavy so postage may be significant-- I don't understand your aggression. You got the item, you paid the right amount, I sent it in a reasonable time frame. Please remember that sellers are normal people too, and try to keep some perspective on what is ultimately a minor matter. I've left you negative feedback in response to your childish and incoherent neg feedback on my profile.

The final poignant chapter in this story is written by my Nemesis Terrence J Simms. I thought I had him on the run with my clear writing and (mostly) correct spelling. I was wrong. Terry, with his deft use of language and pace left me looking like I was standing still while he ran circles of logic around me

30/6/06
your a con man read the top of your ad good
you can read not


And there it ends. I am broken...